Amazing really. I’m not exaggerating because it’s totally amazing that my name isn’t on one of the doves which hung from the ceiling at Wood Quay Venue today.
As I walked into the room at first glance I thought that Christmas decorations had been put up. But on closer inspection from my seat, I realised that they were beautiful peaceful white doves. Each dove symbolising a life lost through violence . On some of the dove’s children’s names joined their Mammy’s and their story told on the other side. Stories of a sad reality which lies hidden in communities in Ireland but which Women’s Aid is bringing to the forefront of our society. A society which has to stop victim blaming and examine the real traits of the abuser who can be a street angel and a house devil.
Grooming sets the scene as a false sense of security sets in. This false security prevails until the moment the victim sees the abuser for what and who they are and not what and who they claim to be. A trigger point has to be reached by the victim to see the abuser as an abuser and not a lover or friend. This point can’t be forced and sometimes families and friends have abandoned her because they don’t understand the steps needed to walk away. Once at this trigger point, major decisions can be made with the guidance of Women’s Aid. The work to be completed before walking out is tough I won’t tell you lies. To be honest for a few weeks parallel lives are lived as documents are gathered, money saved, clothes and bedding bought and a new home found. While planning nothing can change in the home until the very last moment or else the abuser will discover the plan of abandonment and then life gets very dangerous. This is I’m guessing when most women are killed. And today their names hung on beautiful white doves today reminding us that they existed as very important cherished loved ones.
My name could have been on a white dove today because he threatened to chop me up and put me in the boot of my car because I didn’t have money to buy chicken and chips. After this, I made one massive mistake and that was to refuse a barring order and ask for a safety order instead. Silly, silly Mrs Fixit was going to fix her abuser. ha ha, this can’t be done. So get out and make a new life before becoming a name on a white dove .