To fight back or not to fight back now that is part of the question. Your damned if you don’t and damned if you do so what does one do?  The rapist might want you to fight back to further his sense of excitement and heighten the thrill of the rape.  But fighting back brings repercussions for the victim just as much as not fighting back.

Nobody ever imagines that they are going to be raped or asks to be raped.  Rape, as I have said before,” is the total violation, invasion and destruction of one person by another be they male or female”.

In my 40’s I never dreamed in my darkest nightmares that I would be raped let alone raped in the place that I considered safe. My home the sanctuary we had created together to be happy in no matter what storms life brewed up on the outside.  But the storm brewed and simmered on the inside and over time it escalated until I was raped despite having obtained a safety order. A safety order which was explained to him by the Gardai after yet another visit to the house by them.

I didn’t fight back because like so many before me and after me in this same dreaded place or position I was filled with a massive fear of being beaten to death.  But I did keep saying NO NO NO.  You see without consent it was rape but the DPP decided there was insufficient evidence so the case never got to court.  What was I to do eat or beat myself up because I had not fought back and gained bruises or worse?  Nope, I did what everyone should do if they are subjected to rape.   Get help.  Yes, I sought and got help to rebuild my life until I got this strong to use my experience to empower others.

To fight back or not to fight back is a purely personal instinct/choice at that precise moment in time.  It’s a bit like fight or flight only with rape you can’t get away because you are pinned down.  Those who say the victim (a word I hate) should fight back need to close their eyes and imagine to the best of their ability the sheer terror of rape. And those who say a victim should lie still should do the same thing because both parties must realise that there is no proper way to react to rape.  Yes, we can lock our homes up against robbers but we can’t lock our vaginas up against rape unless we are anxious and the vagina stays tight.   But like the robber breaking into a house, a rapist keeps on raping until full penetration is achieved.  A rapist doesn’t care if they use the front or back door and I am not talking about the house doors. They don’t care if you are raped anally or vaginally and no you like me can’t have a choice.

To fight back or not to fight back still is the question. Who can decide, who makes the choice?  Damned if I can answer that one.

 

 

 

 

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