Without Consent Sex/Love Making Is Rape

Without consent sex is rape. There are no grey areas. It’s as simple as black and white, day and night or YES and NO.
If a person says ‘s maybe that is not consenting because maybe is not yes. Maybe is the space in which a person is still deciding if they want to make love or have sex and if you invade that space by forcing the person to have sex/make love then you are a rapist.
“Rape is the total invasion and destruction of one person by another person but with help, the victim can and will recover”.
What qualifies me to say this is that I have been there and have lived through the rape and full recovery. Now I have chosen to use my voice to help others to see what has happened to them was rape and wasn’t their fault because rape is the rapist’s fault never the victims. Our society is to fast to victim blame and this attitude has to stop because it stops so many victims of rape both male and female from reporting this serious crime which was inflicted on them by either a stranger or a person they know. Most of us are raped by someone we know and that can make it even harder because the questions are always there. Why didn’t I detect something before in my rapist’s manner? Why did I let them close to me? What if I never loved them? Am I so fucking gullible that I let a rapist close to me? Even all these years later I ask myself so many questions as I look at photo’s of us together in embraces. But I refuse to let the past eat me up because at 53 I have a long and positive future even if it hit a wall when I was in my 40’s.
My rape never got to court because the DPP sitting in some office decided that the evidence was inadmissible. My anger raged against this faceless person who as far as I was concerned was colluding with my rapist despite the fact that neither never met nor were likely to ever meet. But over time I realised that I could use my mistakes to empower others. One massive mistake I made was to wash. I had a shower the morning after he raped me. In doing so I washed away the evidence of rape. Lesson learned as dirty as a rape victim feels kill every urge to wash away everything until after the examination in SATU. When washing never use your favourite shower gel or soap because the small will make you remember everything for years to come. Instead, buy a cheap brand which you are unlikely to ever use again.

While I work fulltime to pay my bills because a girl can’t live on fresh air or in her parents home forever I plan this year to run a series of workshops to talk about my life experiences and topics which I am passionate about if you would like one in your area please contact me at bernieadufedarcy@gmail.com

To fight back or not to fight back ???

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